Tuesday, August 21, 2007

The Artist

I got some very bad news today. I found out that a friend from many years ago and who was the brother of my BEST friend died. I had been out of touch with their family for a number of years and had basically lost track of where everyone was and how their lives were going. It's so easy to get caught up with the day to day B.S. That's not an excuse and certainly not a reason, but it does seem to be the norm...... at least for the people I know. This very special man was a man of many talents and abilities. He was extremely artistic. Maybe that was his forte, but he had so many other talents. He composed poetry, and sewed better than most women I know. Give him a road show and watch him put together 50 - 100 costumes. Needless to say.... those to whom much is given - much is expected. Maybe too much was expected of Randy. Maybe those expectations were his own more than anyone else's. I don't know. As I said, I've been out of the loop a very long time, but here's my take on this with very little knowledge of the situation to back it up. Whatever was the burden.... regardless of what we all think we'd do or could do, it was too much for this sensitive spirit. It's not my job to judge.... only to love and that's what I intend to do. For some reason, when I heard this news I thought of the words to the old song Starry Starry Night which talks about Vincent Van Gogh (another artist):

For they could not love you, but still your love was true
And when no hope was left in sight, on that starry starry night
You took your life as lovers often do,
But I could have told you, Vincent,
This world was never meant for one as beautiful as you

Maybe this world was never meant for one as beautiful as you too, Randy.

My love to you. My love to your family. My gratefulness to my own family for the joy I share with them on a daily basis.

Friday, July 27, 2007

My mother - myself

I was reading a Dr. Phil advice column in my new Oprah magazine and something finally struck me that I wanted to comment on. The following is taken verbatim from the article... "Mom, I'm really trying to guard against my knee-jerk reaction to run the other way when you tell me what to do. That's because I always feel as though I need your approval for things to be all right." OMG Isn't this the plight of all mothers and daughters??? Even when we don't agree with our mothers, when we don't even respect the way they have handled different things, we still seem to need their approval? I know I do. Those that know me well know that my mother has the ability to put me on top of a building with an assault rifle from time to time, but still.... I find myself looking for her approval. In minor ways... by telling her about something I've accomplished... by telling her something that was said about me that was positive... even by telling her that I've lost weight which is really amusing because that has been a real source of conflict between us throughout my life. I've flat out told her she is not allowed to speak to me regarding my weight. She can't tell me about some new medication she saw on TV (I've tried them all thank you) or something that somebody told her about, or ANYTHING. And then I go and report to her because again... I seek her approval. I'd be willing to bet that my three daughters do the same dance with me. They seek me out for advice...approval...a listening ear...all that stuff and when I'm not being sensitive, instead of just listening.... I HAVE to give them my opinion. I think it's hard as mothers not to "help" our children. I think it's really hard to stand by and watch them make "mistakes", but in reality, that's how we all grow and become the better people we usually end up becoming. Things that I thought in my teens and 20's that I would NEVER do are now a part of my everyday life. And whats more.... I LIKE IT. Bottom line is as this article concludes... "I would like to get your opinion, and then I plan on making my own decision. I fully expect that once I do, you will support me, whether or not it's the same choice you would have made". Now that's a line we all need to memorize.... to chant it during our morning ablutions... to make it a part of us. Listen to others because their experience is valuable, but listen to yourself more and be at peace with whatever you decide to do, because only YOU live your life and nobody else can do that for you.

Monday, July 9, 2007

Too tired to be creative

It's been a long day and I'm just too tired to think of anything of any consequence to write about, but I did happen across a few quotes that I'll share. The first quote is for all the women my age or thereabouts:

"The problem with beauty is that it's like being born rich and getting poorer"

Now a quote to ponder:

"Real listening is a willingness to let the other person change you"

and last but not least just for fun and spite . . .

"Men forget everything; women remember everything. That's why men need instant replays in sports."

Sunday, July 8, 2007

Ya Ya Sisterhood

I watched a movie that I've seen a number of times, but ya know sometimes things make more of an impact than others. Maybe sometimes we have to be ready to hear things. The movie was Divine Secrets of the Ya Ya Sisterhood. If you haven't seen the movie, this may not make a lot of sense at first, but hang in here with me just a bit. It's toward the end of the movie and a lot has been revealed and Sandra Bullock asks James Garner, who plays her father, if he has been loved enough.

That really started me thinking. Have I been loved enough? Have my children and grandchildren been loved enough? Have all my friends and family been loved enough? What is enough? How do we know if we're loved? How do I show the love that's in my heart to the people that need to know I love them?

I think it's been difficult for me to physically express my love to my family over the years. I was not raised by a physically demonstrative mother and father. I always felt that my mother and father loved me a great deal. I never doubted that and don't to this day, but how did I receive that from them? It wasn't talked about.... I don't ever remember them telling me they loved me. To my dad, a playful punch on the arm was a hug. But I've always known.

Maybe it's in the pride we have in our families. Maybe it's in the enjoyment we experience when we're together. Maybe it's a smile. Maybe it's that boy-I-miss-you-when-you're-not-around feeling when we're apart from one another and the looking forward to when we'll get to spend time together again.

I hope if I forget to tell my loved ones, if I forget to touch them both physically and emotionally, that they will know how much I care. I will pay more attention to the people in my life that I draw my strength and hope from and let them know how important they are to me. I will strive to step outside of myself and my own problems and focus more on the needs of those around me.

In case I haven't mentioned it lately.... "Have I told you lately that I love you? . . . "

Saturday, July 7, 2007

In The Beginning

I've decided that it would be unfair of God to let me live this long and have all these experiences and not provide a way for me to share all the wisdom (cough cough) I've gained with others. I've also decided that this would be great therapy to be able to speak my mind and vent on a regular basis. I'm not sure in what direction this new hobby will take me, but I think I'll at least stick around for a while and see what happens next. If nothing more... maybe this will trigger my memory for when the rest of my mind goes out the window which could be any time.

I invite my family and those friends I decide to share this link with, to stop by from time to time and see if there is anything worth reading or taking away with them. I also invite them to add their own commentaries and feel free to correct my memories or call B.S. on me (Maybe I should think that one over).

So come on in.... sit a spell.... take your shoes off... y'all come back now, hear? (Is out and out plagiarism a cardinal sin here?)