Friday, July 27, 2007
My mother - myself
I was reading a Dr. Phil advice column in my new Oprah magazine and something finally struck me that I wanted to comment on. The following is taken verbatim from the article... "Mom, I'm really trying to guard against my knee-jerk reaction to run the other way when you tell me what to do. That's because I always feel as though I need your approval for things to be all right." OMG Isn't this the plight of all mothers and daughters??? Even when we don't agree with our mothers, when we don't even respect the way they have handled different things, we still seem to need their approval? I know I do. Those that know me well know that my mother has the ability to put me on top of a building with an assault rifle from time to time, but still.... I find myself looking for her approval. In minor ways... by telling her about something I've accomplished... by telling her something that was said about me that was positive... even by telling her that I've lost weight which is really amusing because that has been a real source of conflict between us throughout my life. I've flat out told her she is not allowed to speak to me regarding my weight. She can't tell me about some new medication she saw on TV (I've tried them all thank you) or something that somebody told her about, or ANYTHING. And then I go and report to her because again... I seek her approval. I'd be willing to bet that my three daughters do the same dance with me. They seek me out for advice...approval...a listening ear...all that stuff and when I'm not being sensitive, instead of just listening.... I HAVE to give them my opinion. I think it's hard as mothers not to "help" our children. I think it's really hard to stand by and watch them make "mistakes", but in reality, that's how we all grow and become the better people we usually end up becoming. Things that I thought in my teens and 20's that I would NEVER do are now a part of my everyday life. And whats more.... I LIKE IT. Bottom line is as this article concludes... "I would like to get your opinion, and then I plan on making my own decision. I fully expect that once I do, you will support me, whether or not it's the same choice you would have made". Now that's a line we all need to memorize.... to chant it during our morning ablutions... to make it a part of us. Listen to others because their experience is valuable, but listen to yourself more and be at peace with whatever you decide to do, because only YOU live your life and nobody else can do that for you.